Thank you for posting. I'm really sorry you got such distressing news. I can understand some of what you are going through. I had a urinary fistula from hysterectomy and it was one of the toughest things I have ever gone through.
It sounds like the fistula is presenting in such a way that Dr. Zhao feels it can't be excised and closed; instead, the urethra has to be rebuilt. Were any further details offered? Such as evidence of scar tissue or shrinkage of the urethra? (Which could develop into a stricture with further suturing in the area.) Was there any indication that this would be the only chance for repair? (Sometimes the first repair doesn't work but the second does.)
You're in good hands with Dr. Zhao, but the decision of how to proceed must be agonizing. If you go forward with repair and it doesn't turn out, it would be tough looking back and wondering at what could have been. But if it works, there will be no looking back and no regrets. I guess it's a matter of trying to figure out what you can and can't accept about the situation.
I wish I had some for you, but no easy answers here.
For what it's worth, when I do a mental round up in my head of stories I have heard about frustrating fistulas and repairs, it seems to me that the majority of those situations worked out. This is far from being reliable data of course, but is offered as encouragement!
Regards,
Joshua